In Search of a Better Quality of Life
INTERVIEW
His story is as interesting as his history (a former project manager, COO and CEO, now a part time life coach and part time project manager).
Arnon set out on a journey to search for a better quality of life. He talks about his journey in his blog, and this month he kindly accepted to be our guest coach.
We asked him about his journey, his discoveries, the lessons he learned and his recommendations for the busy people who want to live a better, more fulfilling life.
Read his answers below.
Tell us a bit about yourself and the changes you have gone through recently.
I'm Arnon Yaffe from Tel Aviv, Israel. I am 46, and I have a B.Sc. in Industrial Engineering and Management. For 15 years I have been working for an ERP (Enterprise Resource Planning) Systems integrator. I started as a junior consultant and very quickly became a project manager. Through the years I was promoted to senior projects manager, COO and CEO of the firm. Four years ago I left the company to work as an independent project manager and started training as a life coach. Today I work part time as project manager and part time as a coach.
In other words, I leveraged my efficiency in project management to allocate free time for my well being, my family and investing in a second career.
This remarkable transformation was made possible thanks to a coach that I employed when I entered the position of CEO. My intention was to become a better CEO, but as I looked at my life I understood that happiness was elsewhere. Working around the clock, making more profits was not going to make me a happier man. This awakening transformed my life for the better, much better.
What made you want to combine a project management and a coaching career?
When I left my job I did not know what I was going to do. I was at the so called ‘height of my career’, and I came to the realization that I was in the wrong place. In Stephen R. Covey’s words, “I worked harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall.” I reached this conclusion after a long process of discovery and self awareness. I did not know where I would go or what I would do, but I decided to take the leap and figure it out later. Of course, this was not an easy decision to take.
Becoming a freelance manager happened as a “natural” next step. I had an excellent reputation, so customers approached me as soon as I became available. Working as a part time manager gave me the financial peace of mind and the freedom that I needed.
I was fascinated with the process I have gone through and was intrigued to learn more about well being, coaching and meditation. So I took up coaching courses at the same school my coach came from. Later in the process I understood that I too could help others find their own path in life and that this would give me a better sense of purpose and a more fulfilling life. That’s how I became a coach, and I enjoy the best of both worlds - project management and coaching.
I live a busy lifestyle. I have two young children (8 & 1 years old), I manage two careers and I am independent. In theory my ‘new life’ could have been much more stressful than the ‘previous life’ but in fact it is less stressful because the focus is different. In the past my focus was goal and results oriented. Today my focus is on well being, relationships and taking life at my own pace.
Looking back, with the coaching knowledge you have now, is there something you would have done differently in terms of organizing your work and life, creating more balance, taking more care of your health (both physical, mental and emotional)?
We often look back on our past, the crossroads we passed, the decisions we took and think what could have happened if I acted differently. Coaching and meditation taught me that “could have done” is a thought. It has no existence beyond the thought. There is absolutely no way to determine what would have happened had you chosen differently. It is in fact meaningless, a fantasy, however much you believe it or however reasonable it seems. In reality there is no alternative to what actually happened.
I have learned that thinking “what I could have done differently” is a mental exercise that has no effect on reality except for inflicting further stress. So I try (as much as possible) not to think of the past in that way. Rather, I see the past as a chain of events that led to the present. So whatever mistakes, failures and hardships I have experienced, they were all milestones in the creation of the present, which I am very thankful for. I think that this is a very important lesson in itself.
I always wanted to live a balanced life, but was unsuccessful in finding balance. In hindsight I understand that I was ignorant about the nature of our consciousness so I was looking for balance in the wrong places. To find balance, one should understand why he or she is stressed. You need to look inwards and understand the sources of your stress. Don’t settle for the superficial answers like, “I have too many tasks on my plate” or “I have many responsibilities” or “I have very challenging goals”. Ask yourself why? Why is this so?
If you look deep enough you will usually find some sort of fear. Fear of losing a deal or losing a customer, fear of failure, fear of not meeting expectations, fear of losing recognition, losing your job, your source of income etc.
Finding balance is not about how we organize our calendar or what we do in our time, it’s about building awareness to the fears that control us and gradually reducing their hold on us. Balance will follow, little by little, step by step. It’s a life long journey
What would you recommend to busy executives who are in a situation similar to the one you experienced and want to continue being employees?
Although I became self-employed, I do not consider it as the essence of my transformation.
One can be self-employed and be a slave of his/her trade. Another can be employed and be free as a bird. It is a matter of state of mind, not circumstantial.
My personal journey took me through becoming self-employed, it was important for me to know that I am able to ‘make it on my own’, to know that I have the capacity to be independent. For others this may not be important at all. Everyone has their individual journey in life. Maybe I will become an employee some time in my future. Some challenges are only achievable with large organizations.
My recommendation for executives in similar situations is not to hurry and jump to conclusions. Do not rush to make changes. Pause, take your time, find a coach or a therapist that will help you look inwards and find why you are not satisfied with your current state. You may find out that you are able to find happiness and balance within your current circumstances.
As a busy person splitting your time between family and two different careers, what do you do to stay organized, to avoid feeling overwhelmed, and to have enough energy left to enjoy life? What advice can you give to those in a similar situation?
Often, when we are caught up in the race we forget what is really important. I suggest to see this lecture on TED presenting a Harvard research on “what makes a good life?”. It’s an excellent lecture to get you thinking.
In spite of self-awareness and well-being life can still be overwhelming and tiring at times. Don’t expect perfection, learn to accept the imperfections and hardships that come from time to time. In hindsight you may look upon them as important lessons and turn-points of your life.
